This post is actually going to be a little different then the ones that came before it, this one is depressing.
What can you do when something happens and you are no longer an equal part of things? When you feel like a 3rd class citizen and the ones around you think that it is perfectly alright if one of them is getting the things that you arent? They will say "just give it time", and in the mean time you have to see someone getting ALL the tings that you arent and no one around you sees a problem with it.
The great and wonderful answer is.... NOTHING. There is nothing that you can do. You have to sit there and take it, grit your teeth and just deal with it. If you say anything then everyone will just get mad at you anyway and say that you are being selfish. It will only be said that you are thinking only of yourself becuase you want things to be equal. Yes in time I imagine that it will get better, but in the mean time it is probably just better if you keep your head down, your mouth shut, and just deal with it.
06 September 2009
01 September 2009
Rocky Beginnings
Humans are naturally jelous animals. There is no way around it, there is no way to ignore it, it is just something that you have to accept. We are all going to feel jelous from time to time. You just can NOT take it out on your partners and keep it all bottled up inside becuase trust me, it will explode eventually.
The main thing is to just be honest. WHEN they notice that something is wrong and ask you about it, TELL them what is on your mind. Tell them that you are feeling like you are being left out a little, or that you feel like the other person is getting more attention then you are. You need to get to the point to where when the squirrel inside your head starts running a million miles an hour, and suddenly a very small thing has turned into a VERY BIG thing, you have to be able to get him to slow down and take it easy for awhile. Stop burning up those ball bearings and just let things settle.
You will have to decide just exactly how much you want it to work out. There are going to be times when you are going to want to get out, to put that gas pedal to the floor and never look back. Just think about how you would feel if you were the other guy or woman in this, and you feel left out because your other partner is giving the lion share of the affection to the one who wants to leave. It will make you stop and think.
The main thing is to just be honest. WHEN they notice that something is wrong and ask you about it, TELL them what is on your mind. Tell them that you are feeling like you are being left out a little, or that you feel like the other person is getting more attention then you are. You need to get to the point to where when the squirrel inside your head starts running a million miles an hour, and suddenly a very small thing has turned into a VERY BIG thing, you have to be able to get him to slow down and take it easy for awhile. Stop burning up those ball bearings and just let things settle.
You will have to decide just exactly how much you want it to work out. There are going to be times when you are going to want to get out, to put that gas pedal to the floor and never look back. Just think about how you would feel if you were the other guy or woman in this, and you feel left out because your other partner is giving the lion share of the affection to the one who wants to leave. It will make you stop and think.
Money
Money... yeah... the downfall of alot of relationships. It's just a fact of life, everyone needs money, all relationships need money. When there isn't enough money, the bills dont get paid, it causes alot of stress, people get depressed and bad things happen. It is no different in a trinogamous relationship. Except now you have to worry about 3 people being happy instead of just two.
What we are doing is simple, there are 4 checking account. How can having 4 accounts be simple? It breaks down like this, all paychecks get deposited into the MAIN account. From that account all the bills get paid FIRST. Then everyone pretty much gets an allowance of $15o a paycheck. You are free to do whatever you want to do with that 150... spend it all on clothes, buy DVD's, sky diving lessons, or hang gliding, what ever happens to float your boat. That way everyone gets to have money to spend, all the bills get paid, and most importantly everyone is equal and gets the same amount.
In our relationship there is more or less a person who is in charge of what is done with the other money. My partners are... well... they are big fans of spending money to say the least. With having me in charge (yes I am REALLY "thrifty") and being the final decision on giving extra money when it is actually NEEDED, still leaves wiggle room in the system to get extra money. I know that some of you are thinking that if one person is in charge then how can it be equal? All I can say is that there has to be some amount of control or else you are going to end up with an empty bank account by the next pay day.
What we are doing is simple, there are 4 checking account. How can having 4 accounts be simple? It breaks down like this, all paychecks get deposited into the MAIN account. From that account all the bills get paid FIRST. Then everyone pretty much gets an allowance of $15o a paycheck. You are free to do whatever you want to do with that 150... spend it all on clothes, buy DVD's, sky diving lessons, or hang gliding, what ever happens to float your boat. That way everyone gets to have money to spend, all the bills get paid, and most importantly everyone is equal and gets the same amount.
In our relationship there is more or less a person who is in charge of what is done with the other money. My partners are... well... they are big fans of spending money to say the least. With having me in charge (yes I am REALLY "thrifty") and being the final decision on giving extra money when it is actually NEEDED, still leaves wiggle room in the system to get extra money. I know that some of you are thinking that if one person is in charge then how can it be equal? All I can say is that there has to be some amount of control or else you are going to end up with an empty bank account by the next pay day.
31 August 2009
How it came to be
No, I am not talking about how Trinogamy came about in general, becuase honestly I don't have a clue... or really care for that matter. So time for a little back story, promise I will keep it as brief as I possibly can.
I (one of the guys) met the love of my life almost 4 years ago, she was absolutely perfect in every single way. She was beautiful, witty, sarcastic, stubborn, and she meant everything to me. Unfortunitly, I had a problem with internet porn and sending sexually charged emails to other women. I say that it was a problem becuase, even though I saw how much it hurt her when I did that kind of thing I couldnt stop. Oh, I WOULD stop for about 4-6 months at a time, but then for some reason I would stop doing it again. Eventually, she got tired of me hurting her and breaking her heart when I did that, so she left me. I was devestated (to say the least), I became severly depressed and went from a chubby 210lbs to a crack addicts 160lbs in ABOUT 3 weeks. That about 18 months ago. After she left she did what people are supposed to do when they leave (or are left), she dated, saw other people, tried to move on with her life.
Then, I was sent to a not so great place with bullets and bombs that is far far away. While we were seperated she met and fell in love with another man. It just happened, there is nothing I can say other then that. She did leave him right before I left and we got back together and vowed that we would make our marriage work. Unfortunitly about 3 months later she found profiles that I had made on a couple web sites, and regardless of the reasons that I made them, the fact is that I DID it. So after that, and a few other things that I did, she was completely done with me. She built walls around every once of love that she had for me and sealed it away deep within her heart and hoped that it would never again see the light of day. After that hapened she started seeing the other guy that she fell in love with.
So how did we all end up in a Trinogamous relationship? The answer is actually really simple. She LOVES both of us. The two of us complete her the way that she completes the two of us. No, niether one of us is bi-sexual in the slightest bit, but we want her to be happy more then anything in the world. So instead of making her kill a part of herself (and one of us) by making her choose, we all decided that we would all be together.
You may be thinking "she is just being greedy", but honestly she is NOT being greedy or selfish in any way. We all know our hearts, and for hers to be complete she needs to have both of us, and neither him or I can live without her. Yes, we all live in the same house and we all raise the kids together. Granted, this has all happened very recently and we are still in the early stages. Which is why I thought that this blog would be so important, so that all of you who are reading it will have been there in the beginning.
I (one of the guys) met the love of my life almost 4 years ago, she was absolutely perfect in every single way. She was beautiful, witty, sarcastic, stubborn, and she meant everything to me. Unfortunitly, I had a problem with internet porn and sending sexually charged emails to other women. I say that it was a problem becuase, even though I saw how much it hurt her when I did that kind of thing I couldnt stop. Oh, I WOULD stop for about 4-6 months at a time, but then for some reason I would stop doing it again. Eventually, she got tired of me hurting her and breaking her heart when I did that, so she left me. I was devestated (to say the least), I became severly depressed and went from a chubby 210lbs to a crack addicts 160lbs in ABOUT 3 weeks. That about 18 months ago. After she left she did what people are supposed to do when they leave (or are left), she dated, saw other people, tried to move on with her life.
Then, I was sent to a not so great place with bullets and bombs that is far far away. While we were seperated she met and fell in love with another man. It just happened, there is nothing I can say other then that. She did leave him right before I left and we got back together and vowed that we would make our marriage work. Unfortunitly about 3 months later she found profiles that I had made on a couple web sites, and regardless of the reasons that I made them, the fact is that I DID it. So after that, and a few other things that I did, she was completely done with me. She built walls around every once of love that she had for me and sealed it away deep within her heart and hoped that it would never again see the light of day. After that hapened she started seeing the other guy that she fell in love with.
So how did we all end up in a Trinogamous relationship? The answer is actually really simple. She LOVES both of us. The two of us complete her the way that she completes the two of us. No, niether one of us is bi-sexual in the slightest bit, but we want her to be happy more then anything in the world. So instead of making her kill a part of herself (and one of us) by making her choose, we all decided that we would all be together.
You may be thinking "she is just being greedy", but honestly she is NOT being greedy or selfish in any way. We all know our hearts, and for hers to be complete she needs to have both of us, and neither him or I can live without her. Yes, we all live in the same house and we all raise the kids together. Granted, this has all happened very recently and we are still in the early stages. Which is why I thought that this blog would be so important, so that all of you who are reading it will have been there in the beginning.
Trinogamy and what it is
Trinogamy is basically the practice of having 3 people in a commited relationship. Yes there is alot more to it, but the nuts and bolts gist of the idea is that 3 people are all in a relationship. No, it is not an OPEN relationship, becuase you are not going out trying to find more people or sleeping around or any of that. You are COMMITED! In most Trinogamous relationships there is at least one bi-sexual individual, or 2, or hell all 3 or none at all can be bi-sexual, it doesn't matter.
This life style is HARD and is not for everyone. If you thought that trust issues were hard when it was just 2 people together in a relationship, just imagine what it would be like with 3. I am making this blog partly becuase I could not find anything like it on the web... and trust me, I LOOKED! I wanted to share people a snap shot of our lives together... explain how we handle (or try) different things, such as affection, trust, love, time, and kids (yes, 2 kids). And how we came to BEING Trinogamous.
Anyone that has happened to run across this blog, will probably have done the EXACT same thing that I did, and that was to just do a search for "Trinogamy" becuase you either heard a friend mention it or saw it on TV or whatever. Hopefully, after reading my words about our experiences and our LIFE it will help you to make an informed decision on if you think that you can make this life style work for you.
This life style is HARD and is not for everyone. If you thought that trust issues were hard when it was just 2 people together in a relationship, just imagine what it would be like with 3. I am making this blog partly becuase I could not find anything like it on the web... and trust me, I LOOKED! I wanted to share people a snap shot of our lives together... explain how we handle (or try) different things, such as affection, trust, love, time, and kids (yes, 2 kids). And how we came to BEING Trinogamous.
Anyone that has happened to run across this blog, will probably have done the EXACT same thing that I did, and that was to just do a search for "Trinogamy" becuase you either heard a friend mention it or saw it on TV or whatever. Hopefully, after reading my words about our experiences and our LIFE it will help you to make an informed decision on if you think that you can make this life style work for you.
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