This post is actually going to be a little different then the ones that came before it, this one is depressing.
What can you do when something happens and you are no longer an equal part of things? When you feel like a 3rd class citizen and the ones around you think that it is perfectly alright if one of them is getting the things that you arent? They will say "just give it time", and in the mean time you have to see someone getting ALL the tings that you arent and no one around you sees a problem with it.
The great and wonderful answer is.... NOTHING. There is nothing that you can do. You have to sit there and take it, grit your teeth and just deal with it. If you say anything then everyone will just get mad at you anyway and say that you are being selfish. It will only be said that you are thinking only of yourself becuase you want things to be equal. Yes in time I imagine that it will get better, but in the mean time it is probably just better if you keep your head down, your mouth shut, and just deal with it.
06 September 2009
01 September 2009
Rocky Beginnings
Humans are naturally jelous animals. There is no way around it, there is no way to ignore it, it is just something that you have to accept. We are all going to feel jelous from time to time. You just can NOT take it out on your partners and keep it all bottled up inside becuase trust me, it will explode eventually.
The main thing is to just be honest. WHEN they notice that something is wrong and ask you about it, TELL them what is on your mind. Tell them that you are feeling like you are being left out a little, or that you feel like the other person is getting more attention then you are. You need to get to the point to where when the squirrel inside your head starts running a million miles an hour, and suddenly a very small thing has turned into a VERY BIG thing, you have to be able to get him to slow down and take it easy for awhile. Stop burning up those ball bearings and just let things settle.
You will have to decide just exactly how much you want it to work out. There are going to be times when you are going to want to get out, to put that gas pedal to the floor and never look back. Just think about how you would feel if you were the other guy or woman in this, and you feel left out because your other partner is giving the lion share of the affection to the one who wants to leave. It will make you stop and think.
The main thing is to just be honest. WHEN they notice that something is wrong and ask you about it, TELL them what is on your mind. Tell them that you are feeling like you are being left out a little, or that you feel like the other person is getting more attention then you are. You need to get to the point to where when the squirrel inside your head starts running a million miles an hour, and suddenly a very small thing has turned into a VERY BIG thing, you have to be able to get him to slow down and take it easy for awhile. Stop burning up those ball bearings and just let things settle.
You will have to decide just exactly how much you want it to work out. There are going to be times when you are going to want to get out, to put that gas pedal to the floor and never look back. Just think about how you would feel if you were the other guy or woman in this, and you feel left out because your other partner is giving the lion share of the affection to the one who wants to leave. It will make you stop and think.
Money
Money... yeah... the downfall of alot of relationships. It's just a fact of life, everyone needs money, all relationships need money. When there isn't enough money, the bills dont get paid, it causes alot of stress, people get depressed and bad things happen. It is no different in a trinogamous relationship. Except now you have to worry about 3 people being happy instead of just two.
What we are doing is simple, there are 4 checking account. How can having 4 accounts be simple? It breaks down like this, all paychecks get deposited into the MAIN account. From that account all the bills get paid FIRST. Then everyone pretty much gets an allowance of $15o a paycheck. You are free to do whatever you want to do with that 150... spend it all on clothes, buy DVD's, sky diving lessons, or hang gliding, what ever happens to float your boat. That way everyone gets to have money to spend, all the bills get paid, and most importantly everyone is equal and gets the same amount.
In our relationship there is more or less a person who is in charge of what is done with the other money. My partners are... well... they are big fans of spending money to say the least. With having me in charge (yes I am REALLY "thrifty") and being the final decision on giving extra money when it is actually NEEDED, still leaves wiggle room in the system to get extra money. I know that some of you are thinking that if one person is in charge then how can it be equal? All I can say is that there has to be some amount of control or else you are going to end up with an empty bank account by the next pay day.
What we are doing is simple, there are 4 checking account. How can having 4 accounts be simple? It breaks down like this, all paychecks get deposited into the MAIN account. From that account all the bills get paid FIRST. Then everyone pretty much gets an allowance of $15o a paycheck. You are free to do whatever you want to do with that 150... spend it all on clothes, buy DVD's, sky diving lessons, or hang gliding, what ever happens to float your boat. That way everyone gets to have money to spend, all the bills get paid, and most importantly everyone is equal and gets the same amount.
In our relationship there is more or less a person who is in charge of what is done with the other money. My partners are... well... they are big fans of spending money to say the least. With having me in charge (yes I am REALLY "thrifty") and being the final decision on giving extra money when it is actually NEEDED, still leaves wiggle room in the system to get extra money. I know that some of you are thinking that if one person is in charge then how can it be equal? All I can say is that there has to be some amount of control or else you are going to end up with an empty bank account by the next pay day.
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